I noticed her while playing indoor football (soccer for you Americans). She sat in the bleachers watching someone she knew play. I casually checked her out from a distance while I sat on the bench catching a breather: caramel-brown complexion, darkly sharp (or sharply dark?) features, athletic petite build, and a mega-watt smile.
Like most guys it was probably embarrassingly obvious that I was checking her out. Like most guys I hadn’t an inkling that she was doing the same. After three more days of me doing absolutely flippant soccer tricks, scoring acrobatic, but unnecessary goals, constantly finding reasons to change my shirt mid-game while sweat dripped down my mahogany-sculpted body (so I’m conceited… bite me), and her acting as if I were a piece of white lint on a white carpet, I finally got tired of the theatrics and just went and introduced myself.
Then it all came out:
“Oh! The first time I saw you I was like, ‘Who is that?!’”
“I stayed after all my games just to watch you play!”
“My favourite part was when you would change your shirt after the game!”
What’s wrong with women?! Why is it so hard to emote what you’re feeling? What’s the worst that could happen? Rejection? Is the fear of rejection that great? Is rejection somehow worse for women that it could possibly be for men?
I remember the first time I got rejected by a woman… er… OK… I probably can’t remember the first time. But the first time that I CAN remember being rejected was when Nicole Powell told me to “get lost!” at my annual high school barbecue. Of course that was because I had also accidentally spilled a plate of curry goat on her brand new, spotlessly, white Reeboks. Irrespective of why I got rejected I was understandably discouraged from approaching girls for awhile after that. Eventually I got egged into approaching a much older lady who worked as a cashier at a jewelry store. She had to have been at least 10 years my senior, but my “friends” told me she was a sure target and one even bragged of “getting some” from her before. I was young, so, after walking casually past the front of the store at least 18 times, I went in, tried to hit on her and quite rightly got my ego battered, bruised, and trod on… several times. While the immediate result was my ego on life support at the Kingston Public Hospital, the long-term results were actually beneficial: if I could summon the courage to approach a grown-ass woman like that, then approaching pubescent girls in my age group was a cake-walk… and after the verbal and physical assault I was put through on that fateful day there was nothing those high school girls could do or say to me that would remotely compare. I guess it kind of armored me, and, based on the actions of my other male cohorts, I would assume that they too had been similarly vaccinated against rejection.
Many women seem to lack this vaccination. As a result of this (in combination with societal pressure) many women seem to think that ignoring a guy is a good way to get his attention. Acting like you don’t notice him. Looking away quickly while playfully tussling your hair when he stares at you. Walking right past him without nearly a glance in his direction. Sitting down with your arms folded and that “don’t fuck with me today” look on your face. All of that translates to “not interested” to most guys.
But don’t worry. I am here to help… here is a list of things you can do that won’t quite throw you in front of the rejection bus, but will still get your intentions across:
- Ladies… maintain eye contact. In fact, go out of your way to make eye contact with guys. Your eyes are the windows to your vagin… I mean souls. Also learn to be expressive with your eyes. Don’t just stare with a blank expression. Try to seem mischievous or pleasant or… drum roll… interested. If the guy does not make a move no one will be the wiser. And you can make up a ton of reasons for the let down: Intimidation. Shyness. Gayness.
- Appear approachable. I know this one sounds tricky but its really not that hard. All you have to do is stop glaring like someone kicked your puppy all the time.
- Just stand next to us. Do you know how many women I decided not to go talk to just because I did not want to lose my spot at the bar? Better yet order a drink right beside him. If he is interested you just gave him a great chance to prove it.
- Dance by yourself as opposed to with your girlfriend. Dancing with your girlfriend only results in the interested guy gawking and wondering if he is witnessing some bona fide lesbo action in the making. Alternatively, dance with multiple guys while he watches. This will make him think you are approachable. Just don’t over do it. You don’t want him thinking you will dance with ANYBODY.
- Find reasons to go off by yourself without your girlfriends in tow. Women are like wolves in a pack and can appear intimidating to some guys. Guys tend to hunt alone or with his one wing man… so straying from the pack a little can open up the opportunity for the guy (provided he is interested) to stalk his prey.
Posted in Dating, FlashBacks, Relationships, Women
